WORD SALAD

Open Letter to all others like me - Hello. If you actually do reach the end of this very long ramble - thank you. If you exit this page right away - well thanks for giving it a shot. I dont even know if I am neurotic case, but I am one of those people riddled with anxiety, worrying, stage fear and what not... I won't say I have overcome it, I really do have no idea if I ever will. However I do think I have made some progress (still don't know in which direction - but I will go with any movement is better than none). Here goes. I used to be supersensitive even to what friends say. Forget strangers. For me if a complete stranger says something means I can be go - 'screw you' and move on. To some extent. But when friends/ family itself says na it used to hurt. A Lot. A cow's lifetime would have passed in the gap that I ruminated over what somebody told me. Analysed it. Ran it over and over in my head. Wondered why they said that. Wondered why I replied like th...

Some of the people I have met were overly kind. Some immature.Crazy.Stupid. Self-centred. Weird. Pervy. Snobbish.Arrogant.Manipulative.Aggressive.Nervous. Some came and never left. Some left and never came back. Some changed and left me behind. Some changed me and moved on.Some embraced my weirdness. Some freaked out. The only thing any of them had in common was that they taught me something. I may have never realised the value of the nuts I was handed (I am not even a nuts person.. unless you are talking salted cashews or pistachios)...until today. Or maybe since a couple of months. The strangers who became friends. The friends who became strangers. Everyone seems to have had some kind of role. The thing is you never realise how lucky you have been with your lot till you lose them. Till the day your best friend is too busy to type out a message to you, even though she misses you and talks to you in her head (atleast thats what I think she does...yep,we are weird). The day you r...

I am literally begging for inspiration now.   Ersatz . Dec 2, 2010   I am looking into the mirror Not knowing what I see I look at what I have become I know it is harshly true But its not the me I know I am Though its what I seem to you. I look at me everyday And wonder if this is  what I  am Do I know what I am looking atn Or is this a stranger after all... I see the same me on the outside Probably with a little less hair, I see how things have changed me Life hasn't really been fair. I know it is an echo of I did When I thought i was right. Its a duplicate of me on the outside But inside I don’t think its right. Everyday I wonder, is this what I wanted to be Is what I have become,what I wanted to see? I look at me and me looks at me It  looks like me is me But the me that I am looking at And the me that I am just together can’t be My heart is reflecting my emotions Into actions that ...

Coming to think of it  I dont even know where the words came from   In a quandary . Dec 3, 2010 There is the goodness on the outside, Then there is the devil waiting to sin. Tis’ like the apple nice and shiny With a wriggly worm within. The devil is waiting on one side For an opportunity to prong . To make you do despite you conscience Something you know is wrong. Mr.Conscience sits disgruntled, Always having to fight The devils innovative ways of Making you do what ain't right. On the outside you are an angel Deserve a halo on your head Who knows beneath that innocent smile Are thoughts that can’t be said. You live a life in battle Between two halves of yourself. You feel like an orange Trying real hard to peel itself. You don’t want to succumb To the enticing devilish delights Yet you cave in once again When the devil incites. The fight is a hard one each time You try to do what is not wrong. B...

Wrote this long back, but here they come,as promised. The Quarter-Life Crisis. Feb 23,   2011 (Yes!The quarter life crisis seems to have hit me ...atleast some parts of it ..this is how it goes: ) Stop!Look!Turn around! Is this you ,you seem to have found? You can't look at what you have become, You don't want to think about what you have done. After this  uncertain future does stare, Uncertainity of when,how and where... But then, where am you right now? Even if you want to leave,how? Those who seemed like they were kin, Didn't mind using you as a bin. They seemed like you knew them for years, But didn't think twice before they induced those tears. Those you overtook on the life highway, Were the one's who deserved to stay. Quenched your thirst to be there first, Now have to wait till the twist of fate. You had different notions of the future, Life surreptitiously drew its own  caricature. You are sear...

The pen is heavy and loaded, The ink is dry,the nib corroded. The thoughts and words have evaporated Leaving behind memories,concentrated. There they lay caged,waiting for an outbreak, To attack,to charge, to cause a mental quake. They lurk, waiting for the fault lines to show, Waiting to ambush,strengthening for a stronger blow. Widening,deepening,engraving,strengthening the fault, Together they charge,leaving you reeling from the assault. They've burnt you, leaving the char, Ripping through you, splicing every old scar.                                                                              (unfinished)