Looking back,looking ahead... with my eyes closed
Some of the people I have met were overly kind. Some immature.Crazy.Stupid. Self-centred. Weird. Pervy. Snobbish.Arrogant.Manipulative.Aggressive.Nervous.
Some came and never left. Some left and never came back. Some changed and left me behind. Some changed me and moved on.Some embraced my weirdness. Some freaked out. The only thing any of them had in common was that they taught me something.
I may have never realised the value of the nuts I was handed (I am not even a nuts person.. unless you are talking salted cashews or pistachios)...until today. Or maybe since a couple of months. The strangers who became friends. The friends who became strangers. Everyone seems to have had some kind of role.
The thing is you never realise how lucky you have been with your lot till you lose them. Till the day your best friend is too busy to type out a message to you, even though she misses you and talks to you in her head (atleast thats what I think she does...yep,we are weird).
The day you realise, that everything you had...not the big things..the small ones..have come to an end. The big things, you never take them for granted. You remember to put them on your bio. You remember to thank God for them. You remember to brag about them.
But the small things? If I had known this day would come, Id have enjoyed the mangoes in my garden more.Spent more time on my terrace looking at my garden in the evening.Enjoyed the candle light dinners during regular TNEB powercuts. Spent more time listening to radio while doing homework..wait I did that. None of that is ever coming back again. I cant go back and undo or redo stuff...(which is for the good, coz otherwise that is pretty much all I will be doing)... but the day you realise you can never enjoy chocolate again. You can never enjoy family trips anymore. You dont want to go back home anymore.You arent welcome in the hospital that was your home anymore.Oorga will never be the same.Amavasais will never be the same....Its all over and you regret every time you didn't enjoy it.
Nobody knows what is ahead(my astrologer seems to have a pretty clear idea but his version is totally skewed).I am not even a change person.. so ends dont come easy to me. I can even go and say sorry when I know I am not wrong.. but saying bye hurts more. But sometimes you need to say bye. To phases of your life that are over. People who dont trust you anymore. People who think its okay to hurt you. People who hurt themselves and make you watch.People who have moved on and dont want to talk to you anymore...okay you get it. Lots of people.
Some say there are no new beginnings. You are doomed once you start and screw up. Some say new beginnings are new endings. Some say endings are beginnings.I have thought over it.. and thought too much about it maybe.I worried about all the people who left me behind.All the people who said goodbye and never told me why. All the people I pushed away.
So here is a pic that one of my favourite people sent me when I couldnt deal with life's load of crap anymore(and I progressed to worse crap). And since this keeps happening over and over in my life.. almost a theme.. might as well make it official.
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Just wanted to thank everyone who managed to put with me till now...some of you have helped me from doing some really stupid and drastic stuff.People who stood by me as strangers. People who got to know me after years of seeing each other daily but not really knowing each other. People who come to me for advice (and actually use my advice..which seems to work for everyone other than me..though I am too lazy to use it). People who can help somebody you dont know..dont need to help..but did just because you wanted to. Thank you :)
Some came and never left. Some left and never came back. Some changed and left me behind. Some changed me and moved on.Some embraced my weirdness. Some freaked out. The only thing any of them had in common was that they taught me something.
I may have never realised the value of the nuts I was handed (I am not even a nuts person.. unless you are talking salted cashews or pistachios)...until today. Or maybe since a couple of months. The strangers who became friends. The friends who became strangers. Everyone seems to have had some kind of role.
The thing is you never realise how lucky you have been with your lot till you lose them. Till the day your best friend is too busy to type out a message to you, even though she misses you and talks to you in her head (atleast thats what I think she does...yep,we are weird).
The day you realise, that everything you had...not the big things..the small ones..have come to an end. The big things, you never take them for granted. You remember to put them on your bio. You remember to thank God for them. You remember to brag about them.
But the small things? If I had known this day would come, Id have enjoyed the mangoes in my garden more.Spent more time on my terrace looking at my garden in the evening.Enjoyed the candle light dinners during regular TNEB powercuts. Spent more time listening to radio while doing homework..wait I did that. None of that is ever coming back again. I cant go back and undo or redo stuff...(which is for the good, coz otherwise that is pretty much all I will be doing)... but the day you realise you can never enjoy chocolate again. You can never enjoy family trips anymore. You dont want to go back home anymore.You arent welcome in the hospital that was your home anymore.Oorga will never be the same.Amavasais will never be the same....Its all over and you regret every time you didn't enjoy it.
Nobody knows what is ahead(my astrologer seems to have a pretty clear idea but his version is totally skewed).I am not even a change person.. so ends dont come easy to me. I can even go and say sorry when I know I am not wrong.. but saying bye hurts more. But sometimes you need to say bye. To phases of your life that are over. People who dont trust you anymore. People who think its okay to hurt you. People who hurt themselves and make you watch.People who have moved on and dont want to talk to you anymore...okay you get it. Lots of people.
Some say there are no new beginnings. You are doomed once you start and screw up. Some say new beginnings are new endings. Some say endings are beginnings.I have thought over it.. and thought too much about it maybe.I worried about all the people who left me behind.All the people who said goodbye and never told me why. All the people I pushed away.
So here is a pic that one of my favourite people sent me when I couldnt deal with life's load of crap anymore(and I progressed to worse crap). And since this keeps happening over and over in my life.. almost a theme.. might as well make it official.
|
|
v
Just wanted to thank everyone who managed to put with me till now...some of you have helped me from doing some really stupid and drastic stuff.People who stood by me as strangers. People who got to know me after years of seeing each other daily but not really knowing each other. People who come to me for advice (and actually use my advice..which seems to work for everyone other than me..though I am too lazy to use it). People who can help somebody you dont know..dont need to help..but did just because you wanted to. Thank you :)
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